The Making of the Book.

Several years ago now, I took my daughter with me to her second (maybe third….) haircut ever around the age of four and she, like most young girls this age, was STOKED to be able to come do this with me. She proudly sat up high in the booster seat, looking at herself in the mirror, and waited patiently for our hair dresser to trim her hair. Given how fine and thin it is, this took all of probably three to four minute’s duration in length tops (though she did also insist on getting her hair washed beforehand too, just like Mommy, so the entire process was a bit longer). Once the task was completed, she smiled big and twirled around, so excited about her “new do”. After this she distracted herself with coloring, her tablet shows, etc. until my hair was also complete. This particular day I got both a trim as well as a partial highlight, so my hair was noticeably a bit lighter once the session was over. When I asked “so how do I look?” to my daughter, she responded, suddenly with a sullen looking facial expression, “I wish MY hair was the same color as yours….”. In a matter of seconds, she went from being the happiest, most confident little girl, to suddenly comparing herself to someone else (aka her mom, in this particular instance….) and suddenly lacking this same happiness and confidence she had literally just felt a few moments ago. While a small part of me was undoubtedly feeling touched that my little girl looks up to me THIS much to want even her hair the same exact color as mine, another part of me knew that if I did not create a teaching moment out of this experience for her, similar thought processes would continue to occur over and over and over again. So I validated her feelings in being upset, then tried hard to focus on the beauty of her own hair, reminding her that she is unique and does not have to look like anyone else other than herself to feel beautiful and special. This story, however small to some it may be, had big meaning for me as a mom and in many ways helped validate the true message behind If Goldfish Were Bluebirds, a story at its core about strengthening self-acceptance and self-love. As parents and humans in general we have these “flashbulb” moments in life that, for whatever reason, we remember for many years to come. This for me was a flashbulb experience.

The ACTUAL making of this story and its exact stanzas/words, however, came late one night sometime several months after having our twins. Unfortunately, I suffered from a rather severe case of postpartum depression and anxiety that came on roughly one month after they were born, and it's something that, while certainly many moons better from what it was at that time, I still suffer from and contend with to a certain degree (having three kids in the course of four years will do some things to ya mentally, as i’m sure many other parents in the same boat would concur, but more on that in another post perhaps!). During this time not only was I adjusting to learning how to care for two babies at once, but having the added stress of feeling helpless in so many ways due to how utterly exhausted and physically ill my PPD/PPA made me feel had me feeling like the absolute lowest version of myself. Mind you, I had just grown and birthed TWO human beings all on my own. Yet my brain still managed to trick me into thinking I was useless. This was by no means the first significant period in my life where anxiety or depression snuck itself in (I have suffered chronically from an anxiety disorder for many years stemming back from the development of an autoimmune condition in college that to this day no one quite fully understands. I also lost my mother rather unexpectedly the same year I got married…..to name just a few large life-altering type events that have occurred). I remember telling myself over and over again “just do the next best thing” and often times during those months that looked like something as small as helping out with the endless piles of dishes, taking a shower, doing my hair/makeup from time to time, continuing to keep drinking water/eating properly, and, most importantly, showing up for my kids however I still could (which for twins meant quite a lot of work still). While I managed these goals fairly well because of how hard I pushed myself, I still felt the crushing weight of “I’m not good enough” thoughts circling round and round in my head. Some other common thoughts during that time (and still at times presently….): “Was I truly MEANT to have twins?” “They deserve better…..” “I wish XYZ were different about my life…..” etc. etc. Mind you, throughout all of this, the blessing of having three healthy, beautiful children, a beautiful home, a solid marriage (all the things….you get the point) was never once taken for granted, but if there’s anything I’ve learned these past few years it’s that two things can be true: you can be really, REALLY thankful, and also be really, REALLY struggling still. And sometimes, that’s OKAY. So long as you keep telling yourself to just “do the next best thing”. The two do NOT have to be mutually exclusive.

And thus, I started typing out some poetry onto my phone’s writing pad late one night when I could not sleep due to insomnia (the irony that our babies were sleeping just fine at the time, sometimes ya just can’t win in this department as a parent!) and I truly think I wrote the majority of this sweet story in less than thirty minutes. It just came so naturally to me. During a time period where I literally had such tremendous brain fog that I could barely stand up straight or make any decisions at all, my brain somehow managed to recite this beautiful story out into the world. I have always loved poetry (and working with young children), therefore, much of this writing/publishing process has been so cathartic for me- being able to merge two of my life’s passions together at last.

While writing this story came easily to me, the journey to creating this story up in my mind was anything but easy. As human beings we are so hard on ourselves, but when we REALLY stop and take the time to look into our own life’s mirror at all our greatest attributes, accomplishments, strengths, etc., what we will always see reflecting back at us is nothing short of amazing (just.the.way.we.are.) <3

Blog Post Title Two

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.